NOVEMBER: GRATITUDE, GRIEF AND GRACE

November is often described as a time of gratitude, family gatherings, holiday meals, and the warmth of togetherness.  But for many, this season carries a quiet ache beneath the surface.  While others are setting the table, some of us are simply trying to hold it together.

For me, this month brings mixed emotions.  I am estranged from my adult daughter, and my adult son is in a psychiatric placement for his mental wellness.  I miss my children deeply.  Their absence is felt in ways words can barely express.  The holidays have a way of amplifying what we long for, what we have lost, and what still hurts.

As I write this blog, I am shedding tears, not just for myself, but for others who also carry a heavy heart during the holidays.  I know how easy it can be to drift into a dark space, so I remind myself to pause, breathe, and not stay there too long.  I lean into my faith because it is the light that steadies me when the days grow heavy.

It's okay to admit when your heart is hurting.  It's okay to say, "Getting through the holidays isn't always easy."  People mean well when they say, "Hang in there, things will get better.", "It will get easier every year."  But the truth is, sometimes it doesn't.  What can change is how we care for ourselves during the hard moments.

Grief is different for everyone.  It doesn't follow a script or move in straight lines.  It comes in waves, sometimes quiet, sometimes overwhelming.  For some, it's the loss of a loved one.  For others, it's the distance between relationships, or missing someone who's still here but not the same.  However, it shows up, grief is real, and it deserves space, not shame, not sucking it up and moving on.

I am grateful to have an understanding and supportive husband who reminds me that love still surrounds me.  I am thankful for my family and friends who stay connected through phone calls, text messages, and laughter that stretches across the miles.  At the same time, I acknowledge that there is a void that remains, a space where my children's presence should be.  

If this season is hard for you, too, please know you are not alone.

Here are a few ways to care for your heart this month that help me:

• Acknowledge your emotions.  Don't force yourself to be cheerful when your heart isn't there. Give yourself permission to feel what you feel.
• Lean into faith or reflection.  Whatever grounds you: prayer, meditation, journaling, or quiet time, allow it to be your anchor.
• Create new traditions.  Light a scented candle, write a note, or cook a favorite dish that reminds you of someone you love.  Honor the memories, but also give yourself space to reflect and smile.  
• Reach out.  A simple call to a friend, a support group, or a community event can bring light into a lonely day.
• Move your body.  Whether it's a walk, yoga, or dancing to your favorite song, physical movement helps shift emotional energy.
• Limit social media.  The highlight reels of others can deepen sadness.  Focus on real connection, no comparison.
• Give yourself grace.  Some days you'll laugh.  Some days you'll cry.  Both are part of being human.

So, if the holidays are hard for you, take a deep breath.  You are doing the best you can.  Find one small thing, a memory, a sound, a scent, a sunrise to anchor you in the moment.  Healing doesn't happen all at once, but peace begins when we stop pretending we don't hurt.

Reflection:

Even in the quiet ache of missing what once was, there is still grace to be found.  Gratitude doesn't erase the pain, it reminds us that love still lives here.  💖